Day 6: How the Past Relates to Your Feelings Today

	Light-Heartedness is the payoff for facing the truth and healing my emotions!

Hello there! How are you doing today? Are you feeling a little overwhelmed? It's okay! It really does get easier as you keep practicing. I'll bet you're wondering how working through your feelings relates to your life right now. We're going to work on that today.

The secret I want to share with you today is that most feelings that upset us in our present lives are not really about the person or the situation in the present. Usually something that happens in the present triggers an old feeling from the past that never got resolved. If we're not aware of that, we can get very angry or upset with a person in our present life, when it's not really about them. It's just that the person in the present did or said something that unconsciously reminded us of something unresolved from the past. So we are actually reacting to what has been triggered from the past.

Okay, let's try an example. Let's say a friend of yours invites someone else to do something you really wanted to do with him or her. You may feel so hurt and so angry at your friend's rejection that you decide never to talk to that friend again. When you write in your journal about it, you realize that this situation reminds you of a time when you were young, when your Mom or your Dad treated a brother or sister better than you.

If you choose to work through your feelings, you may need to let yourself feel the experience from being a child and cry if you need to cry. Maybe it was not just one experience like that, but many experiences where you felt alone and left out. Sometimes it helps to imagine saying to your Mom or Dad what you wish you could have said back then. Maybe you needed to tell them how hurt and angry you were, or how much you really needed their love.

When you let yourself feel and release the hurt from the past, you generally start to feel more peaceful inside. The situation in the present often begins to look different and you find you have more understanding towards your current friend.

Okay, here's another example. Let's say a friend of yours makes a comment about you that feels insulting. You may feel very hurt and angry, and even though you know it's not a good idea, you really want to get revenge. Instead of acting on that feeling of getting revenge, it's better to take time to journal about your feelings. You may find that the comment he or she made is actually a trigger that reminds you of put-downs you heard regularly as a child.

Maybe your Mom or your Dad was verbally abusive, so now whenever anyone says anything that feels like a put-down, you feel intensely triggered. It's very likely that a trigger like that will bring on intense anger and revenge feelings. You may have been hurt so deeply as a child that now you have decided to never let anyone talk to you that way again!

If you'd like to resolve and release these feelings, you could write a letter in your journal to tell your Mom or Dad how much it hurt you to be put down as a child and how much you needed their encouragement and support. It really helps to express the feelings! It's not a good idea to send this letter for now. Just write it for your own benefit, to release your own hurt and sadness.

When that's done, you'll probably find that you also feel differently towards the friend who originally triggered the feelings. Instead of getting revenge, now you could probably just talk to him or her about what bothered you and how you want to be treated differently in the future.

Let's go a little bit more in depth. Let's say you notice that you're feeling sad and depressed and you have a feeling of heaviness in your chest. When you try to answer the sentence “I'm sad that…” you may not know immediately what you're feeling sad about.

You may have to play detective on yourself at this point, by going back over the past twenty-four hours and asking yourself when this feeling began. Perhaps you find that the sadness and heaviness in your chest started when a friend told you about an exciting promotion he or she was getting on their job. So even though you are happy about your friend's promotion, maybe a part of you is sad that you haven't been promoted in you own career.

Remember it helps to express the sadness by talking to someone you trust or by writing about your feelings in your journal. Using the sentence “I'm sad that” you might say “I'm sad that no one values or appreciates the long hours I spend at work,” or “I'm sad that I haven't been recognized for my talents or abilities,” “I'm sad that no matter how hard I try, someone else always does it better.”

Keep in mind that your feelings in the present often connect to an old feeling from the past. In this case, when you look into your past, you remember that your father never acknowledged your efforts or your successes as a child. If you want to really get to the root of your sadness, you'll have to let yourself feel how it felt to never be able to please your dad as a child.

You could write a letter in your journal to your dad and tell him what you're feeling, even though you never plan to send him the letter. In your letter you might say “Dear Dad, It really hurt me when you always ignored me when I was a kid. Why didn't you spend time with me and make me feel like I mattered to you? Didn't you see how hard I worked to get you to notice me? When you never noticed my efforts, I got angry and I just gave up on myself. For years I didn't try at all because of you.

Now when I try to work hard to catch up with other people my age, it still brings up those old feelings of anger and hurt and sadness, because it feels like no matter what I do, no one will ever notice. Why couldn't you take the time to love me and acknowledge me back then? It still hurts me even today, Dad. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be the person I want to be!”

Keep in mind that your feelings are in your body not just your mind. To release your feelings from your body, you may need to cry while you're writing, or you may need to get angry and pound on a pillow or a punching bag. Maybe it would help you to work out at the gym or go for a run. You can release the feelings from your body in whatever way that works for you, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

When the feeling is truly released, you'll know that it's gone, because you'll feel stronger and lighter inside. You'll feel happier and more playful and light-hearted. It's like feeling renewed, replenished and reenergized. It feels like there's hope for humanity and hope for your own life to be much more happy and successful!

Often in this emotional healing process, you will start out crying and end up laughing. It's very freeing to finally let go of that bag of bricks you've been carrying on you back! It's a truly amazing process. When you try it, you'll see that it really does work.

Feelings Are Just Feelings

I hope you remember that feelings are just feelings. They never have to control you long-term.

There is always a way to release them if you want to! You just have to be diligent and persistent in your intention to identify, resolve and release them. Some feelings take more time to release than others, but there is always a way to get through them if you are determined.

The purpose of resolving and releasing your feelings is to let go of the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family and become the person you were meant to be in the world. Every time you resolve and release a feeling, you are one step closer to being that bright, shining spirit you were meant to be. Your emotional intelligence will soar to new heights as you grow and expand into your truest self.

Let's practice working through your feelings today and see if we can get you to that happy, light-hearted place inside, okay?

Pause and Reflect - Click here to download the questions below in a word document.

1. Today we're going to repeat the exercises we did yesterday, but we're going to add a few more steps. Start by breathing deeply and checking in with your body. Write a sentence about where your body is tense and where is it relaxed. Ask yourself "What is the strongest feeling I have right now? Am I angry or sad? Am I scared or hurt?" Put your feeling into a whole sentence, for example, "I'm angry that" or "I'm sad that"

Now ask yourself "Who do I want to talk to about this?" I'd like you to write a letter to the person you want to talk to in your journal, and tell them very clearly why you're hurt or angry or upset. Tell them what they did that hurt you or what made you angry.

2. When you get to the bottom line of what really hurt you the most, ask yourself, “When have I felt this feeling before? Did I feel like this when I was a child?” I’d like you to write a letter in your journal to the person who hurt you in the past, and again tell them what hurt the most or what made you angry. Say what you really need to say to this person. Remember you’re not going to send this letter for now. You’re just writing this letter to release your own feelings.

Keep writing what you feel until your body relaxes. You may need to cry or get angry or do something physical to release the feelings. Remember you’re not going to send this letter for now. You’re just writing this letter to release your own feelings.

3. When your body has relaxed, I’d like you to focus on loving your inner child. Write a few paragraphs about how you could show your love to that sweet, innocent, little boy or girl right now.

4. Before you complete, use the hot pen technique and write a few paragraphs about how you feel after doing the exercises today.

Guided Visualization: "Releasing the Past"

To hear the audio using streaming audio, connect to the Internet, and then click on the > button below.

Wow, good job! You’ll be so amazed when you start utilizing this in your everyday life. It could literally turn your life around. You’re doing fantastic! Keep up the good work!